Separation of Church and Hate - Humility over Pride

From the sermon preached on September 27, 2026

The argument at the dinner table stopped being about the topic a long time ago. Now it is about winning, and most of us feel that pull more than we would ever admit out loud. Christian humility offers a way out of that exhausting contest, because it roots your worth somewhere the scoreboard cannot reach.

You have probably noticed the topics your family quietly avoids now. Maybe it is politics, maybe it is faith, maybe it is the group text that went silent after one heated thread. It stopped feeling safe to disagree, partly because so few of us listen to understand anymore; we listen to reload our next talking point.

Pastor Justin Ulrich, founder and lead pastor of Terraforma Church in Ashburn, Virginia, is honest that this is not only a problem "out there" in the culture. It is a heart problem, and it shows up in marriages, offices, and friendships long before it shows up on the news. That means the fix starts closer to home than we might like.

This post looks at why we get so hooked on winning, what the apostle Paul wrote about it in a letter to the church in Philippi, and why servant leadership (the kind Jesus modeled with a towel in his hands) might be the most freeing way to be hum

Justin still laughs about a Super Bowl party in the mid-1990s. A guy named Dave showed up dressed head to toe in Pittsburgh Steelers gear, and when the Dallas Cowboys pulled ahead by halftime, Dave slipped into the bathroom and came out wearing Cowboys gear. When his friends called him on it, Dave calmly replied, "That's your opinion."

It is funny until you notice how often we do the same thing. Researchers David Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons, in their book UnChristian, found that people outside the church mostly describe Christians by what they oppose. That is a long way from love, not hate, which is what Jesus said would define the people who followed him.

The German theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer, who stood against the Nazi regime and was executed for it, once watched bullfight crowds in Spain switch loyalties the moment the matador or the bull started losing. He saw the same fickleness in entire nations that suspended their values to back whoever seemed to be winning. In his book Ethics, he wrote, "The figure of the crucified invalidates all thought which takes success for its standard."

Underneath the addiction to winning sits pride, and Justin suggests pride is usually insecurity wearing a nicer outfit. We brag, we power up, and we switch teams because we have not settled the deepest questions about our own worth. Christian humility begins when those questions get answered by something other than the win, and that is where love, not hate, becomes possible.

Today, notice one conversation where you feel the urge to have the last word. Let the other person finish, ask one honest follow-up question, and let the rebuttal in your head go unspoken. Choosing love, not hate, in one small exchange is more practice than most of us get all week.

Paul wrote to the church in Philippi, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit." Justin admits there are whole weekends when he does pretty much everything out of selfish ambition, and that it feels as natural as slipping into a comfortable pair of sweatpants. That honesty matters, because none of us are above this.

Paul's hymn in Philippians uses a rare Greek word, harpagmos, which carries the idea of grasping, seizing, even robbery. We rarely call it that; we call it hustle, being assertive, getting yours before someone else does. Selfish ambition assumes the world is short on everything, so you had better grab your seat before they run out.

When Justin's kids were small, his son Dietrich would sometimes snatch a toy from his older sister Paige before she was ready to share. Even if Paige would have gladly handed it over, taking what was meant to be given turned a gift into an injury. So much of life goes wrong in exactly that way: we try to take what God is already trying to give us.

The same thing shows up in marriages Justin coaches. One spouse says, "I got married to be happy, and you're not making me happy," while the other says, "You knew who you were getting." Both are powering up, and when someone blocks our agenda, selfish ambition tells us to power up even more.

Paul offers another word, kenosis, which means to empty or pour out. Jesus, Paul writes, did not treat his equality with God as something to use for his own advantage; he made himself nothing. That is an open-handed way to live, and it is about as countercultural as the Bible gets.

Before one tense conversation this week, name the thing you are trying to grab (being right, getting credit, keeping control). Then physically unclench your hands and ask yourself what it would look like to give something in that moment instead of take.

On the night before he died, Jesus shared a Passover meal with his closest followers, and they spent part of it arguing about which of them was the greatest. There was no servant at the door, and washing guests' dusty feet was a basic act of hospitality someone should have taken on. Each disciple walked in, saw no basin, and sat down thinking the same thing: that job is beneath me.

So they reclined at the table with dirty feet, every one of them too proud to go first. Then Jesus stood up, set aside his outer cloak, wrapped a towel around his waist, and knelt with a basin of water. Jesus washing the disciples' feet was not a sweet gesture; it was the most powerful person in the room choosing the lowest job in the room.

Peter's first response was to refuse. Justin describes the moment as pride turning into shame, the instinct that says, "I cannot receive this; I have to earn it." But faith has never been about earning; it is about receiving what we could never take by force.

Many scholars hear echoes of Jesus washing the disciples' feet in the hymn Paul quotes in Philippians, where Jesus takes "the very nature of a servant." That is servant leadership in its purest form. You have probably worked for a leader like that once, someone who used their position to lift everyone else, and you have never forgotten them.

Justin tries to teach his son to carry his mom's bag, not because she is weak, but because it says she matters. That is the heart of Jesus washing the disciples' feet, and the heart of Christian humility: God calls us to be faithful, not necessarily successful. Humility, Justin says, is the one outfit that looks good on everybody.

This week, do one hidden job that nobody will thank you for. Refill the coffee, take out the trash at work, or handle the chore your spouse dreads, and then tell no one.

Paul's letter includes one of the earliest songs ever written about Jesus. In Philippians 2:1-11, three uncommon Greek words map out two opposite ways of living and what God does with the humble.

1. Harpagmos (Grasping)
What It Means: Seizing, clutching, or taking by force what has not been given.
Where It Shows Up: Adam and Eve reaching for the fruit, Jacob the "heel grabber," and every time we power up to get our way.

2. Kenosis (Emptying)
What It Means: Pouring yourself out with an open hand toward God and others.
Where It Shows Up: Jesus setting aside his advantage and taking the nature of a servant.

3. Hyperypsoō (Highly Exalted)
What It Means: Lifted to the highest place by God, not by self-promotion.
Where It Shows Up: God raising Jesus after the cross; Christian humility lets God do the exalting.

People who live out servant leadership tend to share a few quiet traits:

• They do not tell their own big stories or blow their own horn.
• They do not need their name on the building they helped pay for.
• They serve in the background and are genuinely happy to do it.
• Their security comes from being loved by God, not from anyone's admiration.
• They volunteer for the jobs no one else wants.

Letting go of the need to win is hard to do alone, especially when every screen around you rewards the loudest voice and the sharpest comeback. Most of us need a few people who will practice listening, serving, and forgiving right alongside us. Terraforma Church gathers Sundays at 10:00 AM at Brambleton Middle School, and whether you live in Ashburn or Leesburg, Sterling or Herndon, or anywhere from Stone Ridge and South Riding out toward Aldie, you are welcome to come as you are, across Loudoun County and beyond.

The need to win is a sickness of the heart, but Jesus offers a different way to be human: an open hand instead of a clutching one, and a towel instead of a trophy. You do the humbling, and let God do the exalting. As Justin put it, may your team win, but humbly.

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